I cried too many tears tonight. i probrably filled upo the tub. i got to get it together. I am in so much pain and no one kows or sees it. i am so fragil walking around like im strong. i hate to live. scared to sy it out loud for fear it may happen. it would be nice to not have acare in the world. but i have its weight on my shoulders.

a fool, betrayl, hurt, no good, a fool a stupid little girl, why?
Love, is a pipe dream. I fell in love for real and now I have nothing. No one. My heart is on the ground. I allowed myself to belive him. I heard but never really listend. He told me so many times. I did not listen. they live happily ever after and I live with being the damn fool. A year and a half gone. I dont know exactly what I thoyught. never been here before. icant say he never told me. he was honest. i just fooled myself with his f.... help. now i cant get over him. i am trying however it is so hard. I want to die. be dead. just disapear. really i want ot move to another state. make like likehe dont exist. instead i I have to make like he dont exist here how can i do that with me seeing him. my confidant. best freind. my future, my love. i hate waking up in the morning. thank god i do beauzz i live nmy kids.

My life so very uncomfortable
At times I think its goin crazy
Maybe, goin out of my mind...
My life goin so easy yesterday..however
Today a big explosion...who do I turn to ..where do I run?
I think I'm goin outta my mind...
But rt now..here at the beach...
Just sane

The worst pain in the world for me is Love.
Funny huh? People describe it as sweet and good. They make commercials of it with nuclear families, that are at disneyland. Nobody tells you that it is not real. It is meant for the eyes to see and the brain to think (hey, this is what I am suppose to have too). The world gave me a false sense of Love.I thought, if I live right and work hard sooner or later Mr. Right will come my way. When the Mr. does come you hang on to the abusive individual thinking you can make things better. As long as he tells me he loves me. That is what I want. That is what I see on TV. That is what I am suppose to have. It dont matter that he pushes me down the stairs and I'm stuck in a cast for weeks on end. It dont matter that I have done nothing wrong, he comes home from a hard days work and punches me in the eye. He just had a hard day,I make myself believe it will get better. He tells me he sorry, loves me, and (here is the clinch) he will never do that again. In the meantime I have to walk around with a bruised eye in pain.
The worst pain in the world for me is love.
It hurt so bad i started callin it hate. Haste took my personality and stomped on it. Hate took my smile and chopped it off. Hate took my perception of everything good and poured acid on it. Now I am stuck. stuck with wanting Love again. Now I am nudged with the ache of wanting that nuclear family. Now here I am again, no not again!
fourtunatly, my Lord is shining his light at the end of my dark tunnel. It is so tiny I can barley see it. However, this time, I will walk towards it until it becomes big as day.

went to get my message and facial today. now im here eating alone
i feel really good
watching all these people move in fast foward
i am here.
ooh he is fine.. oops theres the wife
so its just me here by myself.i want the world to stop and notice me.
hey world today is a happy day for me.
cant they see me smiling?
its not the south praline cofee that has me there
God made sure that this day i would overcome

I need him to be dead to me. why cant he just sleep with the fishes.Why cant I get him out of my head. You dont want nothin. u think i can actually be ur casual freind? hell ffff no! greg you r crazy and bipolar. God please help me to hurry up and get better.

My heart called me today
Its been absent for so long
I didnt know how to feel
So I felt nothing...Numb
My emotions were on the line
they went on a crazy binge
I did not know how to feel
so I felt nothing...numb
I told him I loved him
He kept asking me so.
but I said it with nothing
no feeling numb.
dont know whats happening to me
I want to cry
but nothing comes out
I just sit here.
feel nothing....numb
when my heart called me my sexy peeked out
I could could feel her rise in me
she tried to get me there
but I felt nothing...Numb!
Numb seems to work, numb uses no energy, numb is where I need to be...Just numb.

hey
love Jess,
The Truth shall set u freeeeeee!